Random | Frustrated With Life

I am so up & down at the moment and wnat to get this all out of my head and try to make some sense of it all.
Never had a great relationship with my mother and have fallen in and out of favour with her all my life.
I suppose we just never 'connected'
She hates that I have contact with my father and won't accept that although their marriage wasnt' great - my relationship with him has been ok and he's been there for me from the moment she left and emigrated to the other side of the world...
My sister has always been emotionally and financially supportive with her ... quote "if I stop speaking to her, then she'll have nobody" ... is that an acknowledgement from my sister that my mother may have a problem with relationships ?? lol
No worries - if I don't speak to my mother it's no skin off my nose ... BUT 4 weeks ago, out of the blue my sister started ranting at me about how awful I have to been to mother! WTF this has gone on for decades and I thought that my sister would always just listen to our grumbles about eachother ...
no - now she says she donesn't want to even talk to me?!?
... she's still talking to mother of course ... they live close to each other and mother babysits so she can work and socialise with hubby ... I'm 100 miles away, unable to work due to caring role and toddlers - have v v little £ for transport etc - memory isn't great either so often forget to keep in touch ..
I am really gutted that this has split me and my sister - SHE was more of my mum than my mum was - yet I am so angry with her for taking sides like this!
I can't stop myself from analysising our last converstation, Ive started second guessing everything I'm doing - judging myself ...

#286 — Comments (0) — 4/4/2013 at 9:05 AM — Family — I Feel You (3) — Get Over It (0)
I'm making extremely slow progress in life. Years are passing me by and I don't really have much to show for it. I've tried to make things work, but it always seems out of control for me. I hope to go back to school in a few years and take some classes and eventually get into a master's degree program. I need to find a career that is high in demand so I won't feel so replaceable & unimportant.

#298 — Comments (0) — 5/19/2013 at 2:06 AM — Life — I Feel You (4) — Get Over It (1)
wish I could pick all of the above and everything else as a category. Ive tried being positive, it doesnt FREAKING work. Homeless, deserted by my parents since the age of 14 trying to get on my feet at 26 in the hell of a world unable to fix my ugly crooked teeth and my sagging disgusting 80 year old body from losing half my fat nasty weight. I cant afford school so I have to work the job of a flunky, just to feel like Im not good enough. My car is on its last limb and I cant afford to fix it...I cant afford laundry detergent...oh I guess i have to put in on my credit card..200 more dollars and its maxed out at 5700. I have the WORST luck, no skills whatsoever, I cant find ANYTHING I enjoy and I wish suicide was a WHOLE LOT EASIER

#124 — Comments (3) — 4/5/2012 at 9:41 PM — Miscellaneous — I Feel You (6) — Get Over It (0)
Stuck.
Can\'t go forward, can\'t go back.
Can\'t send me there, can\'t hold me down.
Shattered into pieces, myself, laid onto the floor. Emotionless, regardless of the pity surroundings.
Where\'s life? This is not like I imagined.
Life would be much easier, if I was stupid and had no aspirations or ambitions.
But they are there, they are so there... laughing so hard of the misery that will drown me.
I work so hard to get to them, I have lost friends, family, sleep, money, pets, my home, even parts of myself.
I lose everything and yet...nothing comes as a reward.
Everything is so frustrating, when you lose everything and have nothing to go on.
Why do I keep trying? Why even if I try my best everything always always goes wrong?
I\'m stuck, and I\'m frustrated, and I\'m dry.
Dry.

#409 — Comments (0) — 3/15/2015 at 5:45 PM — Life — I Feel You (2) — Get Over It (0)
Yeah, here we go again. Whatever. Who cares what you say inner voice in the head? Who gives a shit what you have to say you pathetic useless waste of fucking time and space? Whatever inner voice in the head, go on, keep on ruining people's lives you fucking useless piece of shit, cos that is all you are a useless pathetic piece of shit. Anyway, yeah. I am now willing to open up to finding new ways. I am now willing to open up to new and different ways of exploring life. No, I'm not. I am not in the least bit open to any of that shit. Fuck that shit. Fuck it, it is a useless pathetic fucking waste of time and energy, yeah, but this whole life business is a useless pathetic waste of time and energy and all you stupid cunts you go out there in the world and try to do stuff? Why, you fucking useless idiots? Why are you even fucking bothering? What exactly are you going to achieve exactly? What? You are going to make life better for people? I don't fucking think so. No, you are just doing it for some ego glorification to make yourself feel all special and important. Well, you can go fuck yourselves, because you are not making the slightest bit of fucking difference. And as for you Dr L-----, you are an utter useless fucking cunt. Ooh, why don't you give me a pill to fucking pop? Yeah, that is going to make such a difference. Yeah, it is going to numb me to my senses. Yeah, that helps you fucking idiot. What? You went through years of fucking medical training to realise that, you fucking useless piece of shit? Honestly, that's the solution. Give him an anti-psychotic which will completely numb him to any experience of life. Yeah, that is going to make me feel so much fucking better, isn't it, you fucking utter fucking idiots.

#255 — Comments (84) — 2/25/2013 at 1:40 PM — Life — I Feel You (0) — Get Over It (2)
So I go in to the dentist for a really bad tooth ache, and they tell me that I need $4,000 worth of work...and the insurance company only covers $175. WTF???

#7 — Comments (1) — 3/5/2011 at 2:26 AM — Health — I Feel You (9) — Get Over It (1)
I think I'm pregnant again. I might have to go through 3 rd time abortion. Fuck u men!

#302 — Comments (4) — 5/30/2013 at 3:08 PM — Life — I Feel You (0) — Get Over It (6)
I just purchased a brand new home and went through all of the pain of moving just to find out that my sister purchased the same home one street over where our backyards touch. One of the main reasons for the original move was because about a year ago she purchased a home three doors down on the same street. The first time was viewed as a temporary situation since I knew I was wanting to move to a bigger home. Now that I have purchased my new home, she follows me and purchases the same home behind me. I\'ve told her if she continues with the sale I\'m forced to sell mine and maybe move out of state since I\'m so frustrated with their lack of respect of personal space.

#437 — Comments (0) — 10/14/2015 at 5:55 PM — Family — I Feel You (0) — Get Over It (1)
I always thought i would get a job and wouldnt struggle with money. my student loans are engulfing my life. rent is high enough..but i dont mind paying that. my loans...i mind. i never have money to do fun things. i havnt bought new clothes in about a year. i havnt just blown money in about a year...if i do, i wont be able to pay a bill. i cant get ahead. i cannot get ahead. i canNOT GET AHEAD

#328 — Comments (2) — 8/21/2013 at 1:04 PM — Money — I Feel You (8) — Get Over It (1)
I need a new word for frustration-I feel like my life has no meaning. I have no friends, My job is good paying but a dead end-I don't love my husband anymore, I do nothing but work & come home...absolutely nothing. I am trying to find my way back to myself, but I am so lost. I used to be happy and carefree, now I feel just old and depressed. I need a new journey. I so need to find myself again. I am so ready to run my head into a wall. I get angry, I get beyond frustrated that every little thing sets me off. I don't like negative people. I hate that everything on the internet has turned so negative and cruel, what the heck is happening to our society? I don't know what I want and it is driving me bonkers. I have to work extra hard just to stay ahead. I am female, I am 48 and feel that if this is all there is what is the point? I want to live, I want to have meaning, I want to be inspired, I want to be happy. I want to know so bad who I am, for I have forgotten me a long time ago. I got off track and got lost beyond being found. I can feel the anger in my throat as I type this. I got to have a break through soon or I will go insane.

#499 — Comments (11702) — 7/21/2017 at 1:58 AM — Life — I Feel You (7) — Get Over It (0)

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