Random | Frustrated With Life

I was raped ten years ago. Every now and then I get these cravings to have someone rape me again. I have a loving husband, kids and know that my life is perfect, if it weren\'t for this awful desire. I cry thinking that I could be really messed up in the head for wanting something that awful to happen again. Because it was with a stranger I almost always subconsciously hope, that whenever I meet a stranger, he will rape me as well. I also start to flirt with them subconsciously to add to my guilt. I feel like I deserve it because of these horrible thoughts. I don\'t know what to do anymore. Sometimes I want to go behind everyone\'s back and just have sex with whoever wants to, including my husband\'s friends, my friends, and my friends significant others because I know which ones would. Other times I hate myself for how I feel. This is so frustrating. If this keeps up I\'ll ruin my entire life I know that. No body around me would understand if I told them this. They\'ve never gone through this. I\'m just so confused on what to do which causes so much more frustration.

#402 — Comments (3) — 1/26/2015 at 7:58 PM — Miscellaneous — I Feel You (2) — Get Over It (2)
Have been married 45 years. OH has always been stay at home person with love of gardening, even to the point of the garden taking precedent over the kids. Over past 6-7 years he has put a lot of wdight on which has affected his health. He has waterworks problems, is being chdcked for diabetes and lastly has cataracts. I have worked to pay for our home, supportdd our kids and thought retirement would be spent travelling and enjoying some time together. However, he gets up in the morning, takes our dog for a 20 minute walk, mpotters in the garden hntil 10 then picks up a book and reads untkl lunchtime. TV goes on at 3pm and that is it until bddtime. If I go out with friends I get a sarcastic comment about being out so long. Would apprdciate views on what to do. Kids are
adults and have their own lives. I feel like the living dead.

#438 — Comments (1) — 10/16/2015 at 3:17 PM — Relationships — I Feel You (1) — Get Over It (0)
frustrated because ima good person took in my 7 yr old goddaughter can go out, broke as hell cause i cant find a job. taking me forever to graduate out of college on top of that my parents feel they can run my life and im 26 yrs old i have a long distant relationship with my bf but he can be an ass sometimes too and im ready to settle down get married and be a mommy (to my own kids) and have a carrer just be happy but i cant but ppl are doing it all around me.. ugh!!! i just wanna be successful and move on with life wtf is holding me back??? im literally stuck and cant get out!!! i waant to rip my fuckin skin off thats how frustrated i am

#46 — Comments (1) — 8/21/2011 at 2:33 AM — Miscellaneous — I Feel You (8) — Get Over It (2)
Iâ€™m 7 months pregnant. Stay at home Mum- not by choice. Work from home, volunteer- try to keep myself busy and productive. 2 year old son is a terror- Iâ€™m not exaggerating; heâ€™s worse than your worse 2 year old. Eczema is BAD, to the point where his skin is bleeding. NOTHING has worked. Tried EVERYTHING. For 6 months, sleep has been inexistent because he refuses to sleep in crib and scratches the WHOLE night. Have a 7 year old girl as well. Husband and I are just FRUSTRATED. Lack of sleep catches up on you, plus the incessant scratching. After 12 years still waiting for permanent residency so unable to legally work in country of residence. Financially strapped and dependent on husband and goodwill of family. Iâ€™m just frustrated right now with EVERYTHING.

#505 — Comments (0) — 10/15/2017 at 5:22 AM — Family — I Feel You (1) — Get Over It (0)
I have a man that is slower than molasses, I am constantly reinforcing things to my kid, that we've talked about for years. I fed up with mundane living...its like the movie groundhog day. I push my self to achieve and work hard, I just wish my family would buy a clue. They make me feel like I need drugs to cope...or at least zone out.

#50 — Comments (0) — 9/8/2011 at 2:48 AM — Family — I Feel You (3) — Get Over It (0)
I have recently failed in my first year b.com & I have a dream to do hotel management but due to financial problems I'm unable to do alos I had gone to get an enquiry about study loan but the admissions in all hotel management colleges got fulled & nw I'm to much depressed with consider to my life , I'm thinking that I should appear for bcom again from university ? But is this a waste of time also I go for a night job what should I do now ? :(

#497 — Comments (0) — 7/10/2017 at 12:46 AM — Life — I Feel You (1) — Get Over It (0)
I hate my life. No one likes or loves me. My friends fight with me for unnecessary reasons and family are always in tension about me, for if I will do anything good in future, and above all of them my exams are coming and because of all this I am not able to study. I don\'t want to live . All this is so frustrating.

#391 — Comments (3) — 11/8/2014 at 5:32 PM — Life — I Feel You (7) — Get Over It (4)
This year has been incredibly hard. I was robbed and and my car stolen in January. A week later I lost my job. A month after I was robbed again. I haven\'t been able to find work, and school has to wait til spring. One of my children managed to set a fire in my room not long ago. I\'ve been a single mother of three for 52 years, I feel like I never have time to myself. Feel like I\'m at .the end of my rope.

#159 — Comments (0) — 8/2/2012 at 8:11 PM — Life — I Feel You (10) — Get Over It (0)
Fuckin tired of life ! Been like that for years because of a bunch of jealous losers who happen to be my Father\'s relatives ! They control my father like a puppet and are using him to destroy my & mother\'s life. They ruined my studies , I\'m left with no friends, they create problems in every damn aspect of my life - from very trivial to the biggest stuff. Last month , I learnt to drive & started playing a sport in a stadium to help myself feel better. These losers broke my car - so driving halted , made the driver go away - do I can\'t commute to stadium , & now they stole my driving license which arrived at their house because my father always gives his parents address in official docs even though our family lives in a diff apartment... Day & night I am made a target of mind games & mental torture :(

#412 — Comments (1) — 4/7/2015 at 2:26 PM — Life — I Feel You (1) — Get Over It (0)
Birthdays.

Th e last few of mine have been sad affairs... Normally i could write it off before as me simply expecting too much from others, and then failing to deliver. But this time, after getting snubbed by 3/4 of the people i know during xmas, i expected a meager birthday. But today, as almost to spite me, the same people who snubbed me on xmas decide to get me gifts...

This should be good, right?

The fucked up thing is that I'm still reacting the same way as if i ere disappointed... Crying my eyes out, completely undeserving of these shows of affection... All of the bad thing I've internalized over the holidays resurface, and ruin what should be a happy discovery... WTF BRAIN

I WANTED TO ENJOY MY DAY, NOT LAMENT A GIFT.

FFS...

#195 — Comments (0) — 2/17/2013 at 8:20 AM — Life — I Feel You (5) — Get Over It (0)

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