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Here we go again. I am now willing to open up to finding new ways. I am now willing to open up to new and different ways of exploring life. Well, I am saying that now, but, yeah, this is early evening, and tomorrow I will be right back in my shit having to deal with the usual crap of my shitty life. I don't know. I wish it was that simple. I wish that saying, I am now willing to open up to finding new ways, I wish that that would actually enable me to find new ways, for real. Yeah, and I wish that going, I am now willing to open up to new and different ways of exploring life, I wish that that doing that actually seriously opened me up to exploring life in different ways. I mean that. That is what I want. Of course it fucking is. Of course I want to find new ways, because that would open things up. And of course I want to explore life in new and different ways because that would make things interesting and maybe I could get a YouTube channel and wow people with all my insights and revelations. But, seriously, life doesn't work out like that, because there is this rigidity to life. And, yes, I have a rigidity too, but people are fundamental stuck with their old patterns of behaviour, and everyone has a front where they behave in a nice way, but people don't really make it very welcoming for strangers to interact with them, and I feel like that is a crying shame because we all have our own unique perspective of life, we all have our own unique world which sets us apart from everyone else and we could all learn so much from each other if we were able to open up to each other, and I feel that if we all opened up to each others all kinds of diseases and ailments would take a knock, because our inability to relate messes us up
#246
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2/24/2013 at 9:32 PM
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Yeah, here we go again. Woo. I am now willing to open up to finding new ways. I am now willing to open up to new and different ways of exploring life. Yeah, it sounds like meaningless garbage to me this business of finding new ways. Finding new ways to do what exactly? As for exploring life, how do you exactly explore life in a different way from the way it currently is? I am living at home with my parents and they are not going to change, cos that is the way they are. It's that simple. Life is kind of rigid like stone and maybe writing things down and thinking things can have an impact perhaps, possibly, like changing your thoughts and the rest of it, maybe that can have an impact, but it is a tiny impact if we are looking at actual physical reality. In physical reality things are solid, rock solid, yeah. Now, of course, in quantum reality things aren't solid at all, you know, if we look at all things at a quantum level they are mainly empty space with things such as atoms vibrating at a Godforsaken speed and appearing here and there and all the rest of it. But, unfortunately, we don't live at a quantum level, we live at a physical level, where everything is solid and it is fucking hard to shift anything. So I am not saying that changing your thoughts can't shift things, but it feels like whatever it shifts is fucking negligible and it is questionable whether it is worth the effort, as fucking hell it takes a hell of a lot of effort to change your thoughts alright, and for what exactly? I am now willing to open up to finding new ways. I am now willing to open up to new and different ways of exploring life. Is any of this really conceivable? You know, seriously? Can it be possible to really alter your thoughts at all?
#245
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2/24/2013 at 9:25 PM
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My God, I am totally bored with myself. Let's try again. Why not, eh? I am now willing to open up to finding new ways. I am now willing to open up to new and different ways of exploring life. Man, I am so bored. I am bored of life, I really am. I am bored of this incessant bullshit that characterizes life where people pretend that everything is bloody marvellous when it really isn't. I am sick and tired of this life where everything is upside down and back to front. But, whatever, man, I've been saying this crap for ever, and no one fucking listens to me. Why am I here God, if I am going to be completely fucking alone and ignored? Why God, why are you torturing me like that by fucking me up in such a way that, whatever, why am I even bothering? This is a complete waste of time and energy. Fuck God. Anyway, yeah. I am now willing to open up to finding new ways. I am now willing to open up to new and different ways of exploring life. No, I'm not. I don't know why my therapist thought this was a good idea. Seriously, how is writing these crappy affirmations helpful? What the fuck is it actually achieving? Man, I am tired of all of this, you know because my beliefs are rigid as fuck, absolutely rigid as fuck, and there's no way of shifting them. But, yeah, phew, I guess I'll keep going even though this isn't making the slightest bit of difference. I am now willing to open up to finding new ways. I am now willing to open up to new and different ways of exploring life. Man, I am tired of this, I am tired with this, but, whatever, I mean, maybe this is just the way this shit is going to be, all this resistance and shit. I am now willing to open up to finding new ways. I am now willing to open up to new and different ways of bla
#243
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2/24/2013 at 6:45 PM
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Yeah, here goes again. I am now willing to open up to finding new ways. I am now willing to open up to new and different ways of exploring life. Jesus, I don't know, man, like I could write this shit out forever and it won't make any fucking difference, and I fucking hate the way I see life but it is the way life fucking is. It is. It just fucking is, and I wish it was completely different from how it is, but that's not the case. Life is not that way. Life sucks and that is a fact, and I don't know. How is this supposed to help? How is this supposed to make the slightest bit of difference? Fucking hell, I am so fucking negative, my God, I am just so unbelievably negative, but I just can't see it being any other way than how it actually is. I can't see that, and that is why I am so depressed, and people come out with all this shit about how you can solve depression, but it is all horseshit. My depression is based on the crap that I have been writing about over the course of all these posts. That is the source of my depression and no cunt is coming up with any way of solving that. Well, if that shit is not going to be solved how is it possible that my depression is ever going to be solved? How is it possible? Seriously? I am sick and tired of this need of fucking cunts in the health professional industry to be seen to be doing something. It's, like, they fucking believe that as long as they are seen to be doing something then that is okay. Well it's not okay if what they are fucking doing is not making the slightest bit of difference. That really seriously fucks me off that as long as people do stuff and come up with suggestions, that's fine, even if these suggestions don't fucking amount to anything. Fuck that shit.
#242
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2/24/2013 at 6:33 PM
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Here we go again. I am now willing to open up to finding new ways. I am now willing to open up to new and different ways of exploring life. Really, okay, whatever, man, I must have written about 20 separate posts, but fuck it, why not? Why not write 20 fucking posts about bullshit? It beats fucking engaging with the world. Anyway, yeah, let's try again. I am now willing to open up to finding new ways. I am now willing to open up to new and different ways of exploring life. Well, sounds great, doesn't it, but it's not going to happen. Sorry, it's not going to happen, no matter how many times I write it out here. I am now willing to open up to finding new ways. I am now willing to open up to new and different ways of exploring life. Like how, exactly? I guess I am ranted out to a degree as I have spent the past 20 or so posts regurgitating this shit about whatever and now I am kind of ranted out. It doesn't mean that I feel that it is going to happen, but I am just going to keep on going with this shit. I don't know, I remember back in the day I did have some connections with people, but they all fucking died and I got nowhere with that fucking shit in the long run as people come and go, and nothing fucking happens and there is no motivation or commitment to do anything. At all. Whatsoever. I am now willing to open up to finding new ways. I am now willing to open up to new and different ways of exploring life. Yeah, whatever. Personally, I can't see that happening because there is too much that is wrong with life for anything good or positive to happen whatsoever. Seriously, I can't see any positive or hopeful stuff even existing, because that is not the way life is designed. Life is this negative maelstrom of shit.
#241
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2/24/2013 at 6:12 PM
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Yeah, woo, here I am again. Let's keep going with this shit. I mean, why the fuck not? Why the fuck not keep going with this shit. I mean, just because nothing is going to happen as result of this, so fucking what? That is the whole point of life, to be as utterly shit as possible. That is the way that it is designed. Point is, yeah, life is not designed for us to be happy. Oh no, can't be having that. No, there have to be crisis, endless fucking crisis, and endless fucking problems without any fucking solutions ever. That is the point to life. That is where the money is, in endless crisis and problems. I mean, if things were sorted out, where would the fun be in that? We would have nothing whatsoever to occupy ourselves, would we, and we need to manufacture these fucking crisis and dramas to have some kind of perverse entertainment and shit, because our lives are so empty and fucking meaningless without anything interesting going on whatso-fucking-ever. Yeah, okay, here goes again. I am now willing to open up to finding new ways. I am now willing to open up to new and different ways of exploring life. Really? Does it look like that? You could have fooled me. Anyway, I am going to stay in all day. Fuck this shit of circulating around the world as if I am around people I will get how lonely and isolated I truly am, because I will feel absolutely no fucking connection with these people whatsoever. I've had this shit for 39 years. How the fuck am I going to change it? Seriously. People are not up for connecting with people they don't know, they have all these barriers and defences in the way of doing that, and I am fucked off by that shit, and having no sense of connection or communion with anyone whatsoever ever.
#240
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2/24/2013 at 6:05 PM
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Yeah, I am on a roll again. I am now willing to open up to finding new ways. I am now willing to open up to new and different ways of seeing life. No chance. Sorry. No chance. Like, I have spent a fair amount of time saying exactly why there is no chance that I will ever see life in a different way from how I fucking see it right now, even though it bores me to tears. Jesus Christ, my God, is life boring in this fucking reality. It is fucking boring, and it is same old same old, and fucking therapy and psychotherapy. What a pile of utter shit. Like, you are supposed to have this fake fucking positivity that everything is going to turn out alright, which goes against the fucking reality that everything is going to stay the same as shitty as it has always been regardless of what the fuck is happening in life. Have you ever been on a tube train? Wow. That is full of people who are so fucking positive about life, isn't it? Yeah, it is oozing with possibility as people sit in their fucking seats ignoring everyone else. Yeah, it is oozing with positivity, isn't it? And all the fucking newspapers they are reading. Yeah, all those fucking newspapers are so fucking positive and upbeat, aren't they, with news of murder and fucking rape and the economy going down the fucking tube and crime going up, yeah, that is really going to fucking cheer you up, isn't up. I am sorry to fucking say this but everything I have written is FUCKING REALITY. IT IS THE WAY LIFE FUCKING IS, AND I WISH I COULD SEE IT DIFFERENTLY FROM HOW IT IS, BUT THAT FUCKING SHIT IS EXACTLY THE WAY LIFE FUCKING IS, AND I FUCKING HATE THIS FAKE POSITIVE FUCKING BULLSHIT TO TRY AND CHEER YOU FUCKING MISERABLE, DEPRESSED FUCKING CUNTS UP. YOU FAKE, FULL OF SHIT WANKERS.
#239
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2/24/2013 at 5:29 PM
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And here we go again. I am now willing to open up to finding new ways. I am now willing to open up to new and different ways of exploring life. As I say if this was indeed the case that would be wonderful. I think if we genuinely lived in a world where people were open to new and different ways of looking at the world that would be wonderful, I really do, it would be fresh and interesting and you could look at YouTube videos and you would constantly be going, Whoa, that is fucking amazing, that shit is incredible, oh my God, that is so interesting and fresh and different. i would love it if life was like that, that every second you discovered new shit that you never knew, like, maybe, there is a new species coming out with two heads, and 15 arms and 5 noses and 13 ears. That would be interesting shit, and it is not even that, like, you know, with new neurons firing off all the time we would all be fucking buzzed and maybe strangers would start talking to other strangers and maybe we would fucking realise we are from the same fucking species and that it is weird to be closer to beings from other species, such as dogs and cats, than you are to other members of your own species. Fuck that shit. Fuck this shit of there being strangers in the same fucking species, what the fuck is that shit? If you are from the same neighbourhood as other people how is it that you don't fucking know anyone? And it pisses me off that they talk about community, like Hampstead has a community. No it fucking doesn't. I don't fucking no anyone who lives in fucking Hampstead and I am a complete stranger to all those cunts. Don't give me this shit about community. There is none. No fucking community whatsoever in our crummy estranged lives.
#238
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2/24/2013 at 5:22 PM
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Okay, here goes again. I am now willing to open up to finding new ways. I am now willing to open up to new and different ways of exploring life. Phew. Okay, here we go again with this overly familiar shit. Yeah, of course, I am now willing to open up to finding new ways, and, yes, obviously, I am now willing to open up to new and different ways of exploring life, of course that is going to happen, yeah, that makes perfect sense, like, it is so fucking simple to change the habit of a lifetime, isn't it? Yeah, changing the habit of lifetimes that is the way the world works, that is what everyone is doing, isn't that right? Everyone is all the time changing the way they look at the world. Of course they fucking are. That seriously is the way this species fucking operates, of course it is, opening up to new and different ways of looking at life. Yeah, that is going to happen, isn't it? Cos, hey, shit like this has been going on for billions of years, yeah, so everything is magically going to change, isn't it? Right. That is going to happen. I am now willing to open up to finding new ways. I am now willing to open up to new and different ways of exploring life. Yeah, of course, I fucking am. That is definitely the way I am going to fucking operate in life. That is so going to happen. Yeah, I am going to be like Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz and I am going to click my fingers and suddenly I am going to be back in Kansas. Of course, I fucking am. Good grief. Look, people suck, man, and I am lonely and alone and isolated, and if I want to not be alone and lonely and isolated I need to interact with people, but they all fucking suck, so what's the point of doing that shit? Yeah, like it is ever going to fucking change. Ever.
#237
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2/24/2013 at 5:14 PM
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This is how sad and pathetic my fucking life is, that I am spending all day on this site pouring over how sad and pathetic and fucked up my fucking life is. Oh well, let us continue. I mean, why the fuck now? When I am doing this I actually feel alive and, like, I am actually doing something, even if it isn't going to make the slightest bit of fucking difference. Anyway, let's carry on. I am now willing to open up to finding new ways. I am now willing to open up to new and different ways of looking at life. No, I am not, man. It;s not going to happen, and what pisses me off is that she gave me this book about affirmations and it is so incredibly simplistic, like, you just say a few fucking affirmations and it changes everything. Like fuck it does. Man, this is deep shit we are talking about, deep, deep, deep, deep, deep shit at a level that operates way beneath fucking thought. It is where pure manifestation happens and no matter what we try to do we are not going to tap into it as it is logged so deeply in the unconscious mind that no matter how hard you try you cannot make it conscious, and all this business of changing your thoughts, like cognitive behavioural therapy, it doesn't fucking work, because where the real shit is happening is so far deep in the subconscious mind that it is impossible to reach there, and CBT is completely fucking cosmetic and doesn't initiate any real change on any deep or significant level, such that life itself is transformed. Not going to happen, is it, and life is going to remain a great big steaming pile of doo doo no matter how much you try to fiddle with your fucking thought process because the shit is not going on there, it is operating way, way, way deeper than that.
#236
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2/24/2013 at 5:06 PM
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